the more things change, the more they remain the same

Dear Blonde,

Wow. I'm not really sure how to start this. I just spent a good hour re-reading this entire blog from the beginning...and I can't believe how much has changed in a year and a half. It's kind of insane. Like I started off with that guy at Biola...I think his name was Michael? I honestly don't remember. He will be forever known as Stephen hahahahahahahahahahaha (WOW I AM SO MATURE IN MY THINKING). I wrote about how I was SO NERVOUS trying to talk to him or how I got SO INCREDIBLY EXCITED when he happened to sit 5 feet away from me at lunch, and only because his best friend wasn't there. Yeah, I'd see him once a week...and sooooooo much happened between us. Ha, joke. Absoloutely nothing did, which is why I can't even remember his name. It's so weird how things change...hahaha but it's so embarrassing reading those old posts of mine. Oh my goshhh:)

Well, neither of us has posted in more than 6 months, so you could say that we're a little behind. So, I guess we should attempt to catch up? Alright, so as far as the more "prevalent" issues on this blog go...

Sean went out with K...yeah. Then he broke up with her...yeah. No comment.

It's kind of funny how Johnny was mentioned in a few of these posts. Like even the one right below this one. That was back when I didn't even know him, and now...hahahahaha well. Things are a lot different. Hahahaha yeeeahhhhhh. A lot different. Obviously? Anyway.

What else? Ahh I feel like I can't even sum up what happened in the past 7 months...because I really don't know. That sounds weird. But honestly, the last maybe...4 months? of freshman year really kinda sucked. Well, some parts were fantastic and amazing and I loved every second of it (hehe....). But the rest just sucked. Too much drama and conflict and bleh. But the good news is that all the drama and gross stuff isn't really bugging me anymore. Summer is nice in that way - you get a break from all the stupid stuff that goes on at school EVERY DAY - and you can finally take a second to breathe. So that is why I'm not going to try and explain everything that went on since I last posted...cuz it's impossible. It's been a blur. I remember the first semester more than I do the second. Is that weird? Idk. Everything just seemed happier and brighter the first half of the year. Then there were some definite rough spots after. But overall, I guess the year was good. I really don't know how to explain it other than by saying it was nothing like I expected. But I suppose that's good in a way. I never expected to meet the people that I did, to form the relationships I did, and to change the way I did. I think I have changed. But not because I feel the need to fit in or have people like me. I know there are some people who hate me at school, for whatever reason. There are some people that I...uh...STRONGLY DISLIKE. But I'm over it, if you know what I mean. I'm completely comfortable with who I am, and I think that's the only way you can have TRUE friends. I learned that. If you're completely honest with being yourself, then you're bound to be completely honest with other people. And there are going to be some people who don't like you for who you are. But you know what? None of them matter in the end. In fact, they never did. Your real friends are the ones who love you despite your flaws. And they are going to be the ones who are there when you need them the most.

Babbling much? Yeah. Kinda. But hey...I have a right to babble after 7 months of utter and complete SILENCE! I think I'll post again soon. I forgot how much I liked this little blog. Even though we don't really talk anymore, I still care about you and I hope you're doing great. Post back?;) I want to hear what you thought of freshman year too! Oh hey, guess what? WE'RE SOPHOMORES!

Love and rockets,
Brunette.

BUBBLY!

Get the title? Yupppp. I thought it was funny anyways. I have a story....

So it was totally like a scene in a movie today after school, I wish you were there. So you know how Johnny and Kierstyn Sueda are both popular? So I was walking to pickup after school today and they're standing there with one or two other ppl. (BTW in the past I've noticed Kirestyn is like totally trying to get Johnny now that he and Gianna broke up.) So it's raining and I'm soaking wet and I'm walking by them standing in their little circle o' popularity hahahaha and my head is down because the rain and then I hear Johnny go,"Hi 'Blonde'!"

And I look up and I'm like, "Oh, hey Johnny", and I'm still walking cuz my mom is waiting and then there was like silence in their little group for probably a full five seconds and they're all just staring at me and I can just HEAR Kirestyn debating in her head whether to say something to me or not, (and she also cannot figure out for the LIFE of her why Johnny was talking to me) and then finally she, who NEVER talks to me at school til now, goes, "'Blonde', um, are you in the Christmas play?" And I'm like, "No," and she's like,"Oh, okay," And then they all started talking amongst themsleves. IT WAS LIKE A SCENCE IN A MOVIE ABOUT A HIGHSCHOOL!

Anyways, I'm sorry about Sean. He'll probably be better soon. :)

I hate the bubble thing. It happened to me today-the bubble was like almost full, then it went pop! and I was like, augh! everyone's so on and off.

and with my friends that are girls i mean like there's this one friend and she frusterates me too sometimes cuz like it feels like something has changed and I don't know what. aughhhh!

and there's this one guy that i rly want to talk to and he always talks to me when he sees me around and then i see him when he doesnt see me i dont say anything because all of the sudden i get incredibly shy and i dont know why.

and other than that my life is actually going really well! im happy! oh and bt did u notice john the baptist on the slideshow looked JUST like michael jackson??? :)


love, love, love, blonde :)

LOL SMILEY FACE (its a song, really!)

Okay, so I was beginning to feel very guilty for not posting in a loooong while. So I decided that I would attempt to write something worthwhile, or at least somewhat relevant. I really can't think of much to say. I mean, a lot is going on...but it's probably stuff that would bore you and it might take a while to explain. ;) So, until something really amazing happens - not just that someone said something to me and I spend my time replaying it in my head, trying to find some hidden motive or meaning - I am stuck. And therefore you are stuck with my boring, irrelevant posts. Okay? Okay. Hahaha :)

So right now I am texting Parrino and Caylie. Tomorrow is going to be a tough day - not only is it an all periods day again (UGH!), but Parrino and I have a bet that is going to be pretty difficult on my part. See, this morning I was having a laugh attack while walking with Parrino from Video Production to Science class, and Parrino jokingly asked if I ever go two minutes without laughing. Well, the bet kind of spread from there. So, ten dollars says that I can go the entire day without laughing tomorrow. If I can go the whole day without laughing, I get the ten bucks. If I laugh ONCE, he gets the ten bucks. Umm....I probably shouldnt have agreed to this bet. Although I have to admit that I was the one to propose it in the first place. Anyone who knows me knows that it's pretty hard for me to go a long period without laughing. It's just kind of how I am. So...wow. I have a bad feeling that I'm going to be losing some money tomorrow. I feel like Mr. Mercer with his "Uhhh"s! It's impossible to stop doing something that has become a habit! I feel the Mercer's pain........hahaha! Uhhhhhh.

Parrino is recruiting people to spy on me tomorrow in order to make sure he gets his money when I laugh. Oh joy. This should be fun. :)


love-brunette-love

All right, so you if you read these, you must keep in mind that I am under no delusion whatsoever that they are good. I am ONLY posting these because I don't know what else to post. The first one is okay, but I really put a lot into the second one. Please do not feel like you have to be like uhhh these are good cough yeah. Hahahahaha but anyways here they are in all their glory:

"The Poet's Tool"

Words.

He bends them, twists them,
bringing them to the lowest of low
and the highest of high
with the slightest inflection of his voice.
He weaves them into a tapestry of
joy and sorrow, love and hate, life and death.
He caresses them, draws them closer,
only to send them soon to the depths of agony.
They do his bidding, and he, in turn,
breathes life into them by speaking them aloud,
releasing them from the prsion of thought
and out into the world, so that they may enter the hearts
of those that truly see them.
They are his own now, he has tamed them and they listen to him,
and spill forth from the ink of his pen.
They are a form of magic, strong enough to change life
for those who embrace them and learn to love them too.

Words.


"Helplessness"

She hears the plea for help,
and reaches out
but
her arms are not long enough
to grasp the hand
held out so
deperately.
She can only touch the
fingertips.

False promises of things
she does not know,
best intentions made so
unsurely.
She can feel the
fingertips,
she touches them
to let the other know
that she is still there.
She knows that is as far as she can reach,
as hard as she strains her arm.

The other does not strain.
She expects no other help,
believing
none
can pull her out of
the place that she is in.

The first keeps her fingers there
anyways,
longing to help in any way she can.
She will leave them there
until someone comes along
with a long enough arm
to help her friend.



Okay, those were worse than I thought...oh well. The second one is obviously figurative, not really meaning just the arm, etc. So there you go and I am going to bed.

Bye!

Blonde :)

Y E L L O W

Haha not sure why this is titled "Yellow"...I just noticed that song was in your list of recommendations and so it reminded me of it haha. I like that song too, but you're right - a lot of strange references to the word yellow for no apparent reason. Oh well. It probably meant something important to whoever wrote it.

Ahh I can't think of anything to write!

Hmm.

Yes, I'm planning on going to the Mandala presentation or whatever it actually is. It sounds like fun and I'm interested in that sort of thing anyway. I really liked the Mandala booklets that Mrs. Barry let us look at a few weeks ago. The drawings were amazing, and the writing was incredible. I wish I'd had more time to read all of it! Haha

Huh. Sloww....I dont know what to write. Besides a ton of stuff about people and school. That's basically it haha. But I dont know if you want to hear me ramble on about my life's complications. Do you...? Haha odd question, sorry!

Today at lunch and during English class, Sean kept singing about his apple juice, did you hear him? Hahaha it was so funny, he was singing it to the tune of Poker Face...
For example, he too the parts of the song "P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face" and "Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face" and turned them into "A-a-a-apple juice a-a-a-apple juice" and "APPLE JUICE APPLE JUICE NO YOU CAN'T HAVE MY APPLE JUICE!"

It was beautiful, I told him so. Haha...oh and Bill is just adorable hahahahaha honestly.

I made friends with Gabby (English class) today. She sat down next to me at lunch randomly with Aitana and we had a blast haha.

Um this is a little disturbing, but I'm listening to your therapist song as I type. "And the tears come streaming down your face / When you lose something you can't replace.........(my sanity?)"

Okay I'm honestly in a rut. I can't think of anything interesting except for the fact that I saw Johnny S. after school today with my family. He was by the pool and I kinda just stared after him (no I'm not a creeper or anything pshhh) hahaha. I should've gone over and asked if he'd seen my backpack. And he could help me look for it. Like I said...I'm not a creeper.

~brunette~

JUMP THEN FALL

Why is the title of this post "Jump then Fall"? For no other reason other than it is an amazing song!!! It really has nothing to do with anything, but oh well.

Everyone has guy problems!!!! One of my friends just broke up with someone, one just got asked out by someone she doesn't like, one doesn't know if she should go out with someone, one, (you), likes a guy that has a girlfriend that is a jerk to her, (ugh!), one likes a guy that is very Darcy-ish and....well enough said. Oh yeah and there is the one that's happily going out with a guy that I don't know. But who needs her anyways? Jk jk hahaha.

And me? I just sit there and listen to everyone else's problems, thank you very much. There is the one guy that I still do kinda pretty much like but idk I just like him I wouldn't really want to go out with him or anything, we're not even really friends. We talk occasionally, but not very much, so yeah. I'm okay with my life as it is, as far as guys. :)

Hahahahaaha you know my favorite comic strip character? Alice from "Dilbert". Love her hahahahahaha. Who is yours?

Hey you got Sean singing behind you today. That just makes your day, doesn't it? :)

Are you going to the Mandala thing for extra credit? I think I'm going to go. Why not? And I will probably go to Rock for Peace too. Apparently it's extra credit and it's fun. So, again, why not? Haha

Guess what I've decided? When I'm a conseleur, (hahahahaa), I'm going to have the song "Fix You" playing in my office. All day long. "And I will try to fix you...." Hahahahhaaha how perfect is THAT?

Okay, so that is my post for the day. Post soon and actually post, not just like a vague five sentences!!! Or whatever the last one was!!! Hahah that was cool, but I hate being the only one that rambles on and on. Ramble with me! Hahahahaha

Okay, I will stop now. Bye!

XOXO, Blonde :)

tell me why

Ahhh. *silent scream*

Why are people so very...very...ugh. I can't describe it. Some people just make me SO FRUSTRATED. And I'm left asking, "Why?!"

What did I do to deserve this?

Ah. People.





Girls.