Keep Holding On.

Right now I am sitting in my room, on my blue swivel chair. I just finished health and vocab, and there are books and papers covering my bed, along with an old floppy horse that a friend gave to me and an extra large sweatshirt that I wear around the house. I am mentally and physically exhausted, although I must say I am better today vs yesterday. I did not go to Biola yesterday for a few reasons, but mostly because my parents can see that I am wearing myself out and I probably could not sit through a day at school without zoning out and/or falling asleep at my desk. I am having a crazy past few weeks. For the most part I am just stressed out because things are changing so much, so fast, that I am not sure what to think half the time. Why does my life have to be so confusing? I am not the kind of person who is always able to adjust quickly, if at all, to change. I have so much inside of me that I don't know how to put into words. Some people can't seem to accept me when I am just trying to be myself, so they toss me aside as being not good enough. I don't know why that is. Why can't I be good enough for people, even people who I thought were my friends? All I want is to be wanted for who I am, not how others want me to be. If they don't want me around, then I am sorry but it's not my loss.

tied together with a smile

Hey Blonde, again! Yesterday was Biola...tough day for me, at least in health. See, our chapter this week was on nutrition, so that included eating and stuff, and eating disorders (ugh, WHY?!) So we were talking about the disorder thing in class (well, the rest of the class was talking, i was pretty much silent through the whole conversation), and it was horrrrible. My teacher was all saying like how anorexia is a disease and it's because the person is insecure and obsessed with their body weight, so they starve themselves so that they can feel in control of their life...so then the rest of the class joins in on the discussion and they are all saying stuff like how you would have to be crazy to starve yourself and they could never do that ("Dude, like who wouldn't want to eat food?!"). And I'm just sitting there thinking, Geez people, you have no IDEA! I was trying to tune out what they were saying cuz it really hurt. I mean, I'm all over the eating problem, but it was still a really hard part of my life and it hurts when you hear people talk about it like that. And guess what? One of the questions on the test we have to take is "Suppose you had a friend who was anorexic. What are the signs, and how would you help that person?" UGH!!!! I CANT BELIEVE THIS!!! You know what? I think I am just going to be honest about it and answer the question through my own words and experience. It's going to be hard, but how else will I explain to Mrs. Tamez how I know so much about it? Sigh....

Well sorry, that was a very honest and depressing post! Hahahaha but its been on my mind so I though I should write about it! Thanks for reading :)

Love, Brunette